Awaiting the bridal party around the sacred fire!
Blog time. This should be a good one! Did I succeed in making you eager to read on? That’s what I was going for.
This weekend I had the fortunate opportunity to attend a school meeting on Saturday morning at 7 am in another village nearby. You might be able to detect the sarcasm in my imaginary voice. But seriously, it was fortunate that I attended this meeting because the meeting was being held in the same village as a Herero wedding. What’s the big deal you might ask? Well, read on.
Let me remind you that the Herero people are the main people group living in the area I call home. They are traditionally subsistence farmers and are very proud of their heritage. And when they have a wedding, they do it up right old school – the Herero way. On this particular weekend there were five couples being wed. I was informed that sometimes it might be 15 or 20; it just depends on the families. I think it’s a cost cutting thing – bulk weddings are cheaper for a family. And I say family because all of the brides are related (in this case I believe they all had the same grandparents, so that would make them…cousins?). Okay, so here’s how a Herero wedding goes down:
The wedding begins on Friday when all of the grooms and their friends and family make the trip to the agreed upon wedding location – usually the brides’ village. Each groom must bring as a gift two cows and a sum of money to be presented to his brides family. The amount of money depends, of course, on the quality of the bride. If she is a Cadillac, so to speak, she is more expensive; if a Ford Fiesta, a little more affordable (hmm, why did I pick two domestics?). But seriously, if the bride is educated, has no kids, is a virgin, etc. she will demand a higher price than an uneducated mother. The brides’ family on the other hand is obligated to present two cows to each of the grooms’ family/friends who have showed up for the wedding. Thus, the brides’ family had to give out ten cows this weekend. Now, the gifts are exchanged and each family sets up camp in the village (literally, there were hundreds of tents set up). The funny part is that each family group sets up in a different spot. It felt like some sort of strange medieval army camp – tents and fires everywhere. And the other interesting part is that the grooms’ relatives and the brides’ relatives are not allowed to mingle at all until a set time on the weekend. I’ll get to that. So there are two camps set up, brides’ families and friends and grooms’ families and friends. And both groups start slaughtering the cows so there is meat to eat all weekend! Haha. There were literally carcasses and huge slabs of meat hanging from trees all over. Mmm.
Let the negotiations begin. The grooms will go over to the brides’ camp to negotiate over the price of the various brides and other things that I don’t know about. You could tell who the grooms were because they had to wear a small white cloth on their heads under their fedoras. (Yes, Herero men wear fedoras in public – I thought it was just a fashion thing, but apparently all married Hereros are supposed to wear hats in public, and apparently fedoras are “in”.) The grooms will not, however, catch a glance of their ladies-to-be because they are hidden away in a house on the family’s property and will stay there all weekend until a certain time when they make an appearance. So they grooms will go back to their respective camps and enjoy the various festivities of eating meat, dancing, drinking, and eating more meat.
Come Saturday afternoon there were probably a couple of hundred people at the wedding, all seemingly enjoying themselves. The women all dressed in traditional Herero dresses (see one of my old posts for a detailed description of that) and the men dressed to the nines. Only the married women wear the traditional dress and the married men wear a hat and carry a stick (like a cane). The stick is a symbol to show that they are man of the house and can protect their house. Along with the fedora, the cane has the effect of making the Herero man look, in my opinion, rather classy, especially when combined with the shiny dress shoes most of the men here wear.
Around 3 pm things got underway. The brides’ family brought a special piece of cooked meat from the sacred fire (a fire that burns on the brides’ property) to present to the families of the grooms. I didn’t quite hear properly but I believe the meat was a piece of the hip or lip of a cow…I can’t, however, be sure. The two families will share this meat in a gesture of ‘comingtogetherness.’ After this the grooms’ families will start to make their way over to the brides’ camp (the grooms were noticeably absent).
At the brides’ house all the friends and relatives of the respective grooms will gather around the sacred fire and have a dance competition! There is singing and dancing in which each family sings to the other families about where they come from and what they do. Basically, they get to know each other. After about an hour of this, it was finally time for the brides to make an appearance. Surrounded by their bridesmaids the brides marched out of their house in a line, went around the fire once and went back into the house. And not once did they actually show their faces. For the whole walk all five of them had their faces buried in the backs of their bridesmaids. Apparently this is a newer tradition. Historically the brides wouldn’t even show themselves to anybody – only the groom on Sunday morning. But sometimes in the night while the grooms’ families were sleeping the brides and their families would leave with the dowry and the grooms would be out two cows and a lot of money! So this march of the brides around the fire is to show that, yes, they are actually present, even though you couldn’t see their faces. Interesting side note – there were also three teenage girls in the wedding party who were ‘becoming women.’ They had to march around the fire with a piece of fat strapped on top of their heads. After this they are considered women and can now wear the traditional dress.
After the march, the family groups are free to mingle and get to know each other. Basically all Saturday night was a big party. And that was when I left.
From what I understand about the rest of the wedding is that sometime in the night on Saturday the grooms will come to, shall we say, consummate the marriage. The funny part about this night of consummation is that all five of them are in the same house (and it was not a big house)! And that’s not all! Apparently there will be elder women from the wives’ family who will ‘keep watch’ to make sure the groom can, in the words of my colleague, ‘perform.’ The whole point is to make sure that the groom will be able to have offspring. Without reproduction the Hereros (at least the ones talking with me) don’t see the point in marriage. The groom will apparently go back to his own camp after his ‘performance.’
And so, the happy couples will depart on Sunday for their chosen place of residence (usually the groom’s town) and the families and friends will go home having, again in the words of my colleague, “ate more meat than a lion!”
So that was my interesting day at the Herero wedding. Good times were had by all, and I even got a few slabs of meat for my troubles…
B
This weekend I had the fortunate opportunity to attend a school meeting on Saturday morning at 7 am in another village nearby. You might be able to detect the sarcasm in my imaginary voice. But seriously, it was fortunate that I attended this meeting because the meeting was being held in the same village as a Herero wedding. What’s the big deal you might ask? Well, read on.
Let me remind you that the Herero people are the main people group living in the area I call home. They are traditionally subsistence farmers and are very proud of their heritage. And when they have a wedding, they do it up right old school – the Herero way. On this particular weekend there were five couples being wed. I was informed that sometimes it might be 15 or 20; it just depends on the families. I think it’s a cost cutting thing – bulk weddings are cheaper for a family. And I say family because all of the brides are related (in this case I believe they all had the same grandparents, so that would make them…cousins?). Okay, so here’s how a Herero wedding goes down:
The wedding begins on Friday when all of the grooms and their friends and family make the trip to the agreed upon wedding location – usually the brides’ village. Each groom must bring as a gift two cows and a sum of money to be presented to his brides family. The amount of money depends, of course, on the quality of the bride. If she is a Cadillac, so to speak, she is more expensive; if a Ford Fiesta, a little more affordable (hmm, why did I pick two domestics?). But seriously, if the bride is educated, has no kids, is a virgin, etc. she will demand a higher price than an uneducated mother. The brides’ family on the other hand is obligated to present two cows to each of the grooms’ family/friends who have showed up for the wedding. Thus, the brides’ family had to give out ten cows this weekend. Now, the gifts are exchanged and each family sets up camp in the village (literally, there were hundreds of tents set up). The funny part is that each family group sets up in a different spot. It felt like some sort of strange medieval army camp – tents and fires everywhere. And the other interesting part is that the grooms’ relatives and the brides’ relatives are not allowed to mingle at all until a set time on the weekend. I’ll get to that. So there are two camps set up, brides’ families and friends and grooms’ families and friends. And both groups start slaughtering the cows so there is meat to eat all weekend! Haha. There were literally carcasses and huge slabs of meat hanging from trees all over. Mmm.
Let the negotiations begin. The grooms will go over to the brides’ camp to negotiate over the price of the various brides and other things that I don’t know about. You could tell who the grooms were because they had to wear a small white cloth on their heads under their fedoras. (Yes, Herero men wear fedoras in public – I thought it was just a fashion thing, but apparently all married Hereros are supposed to wear hats in public, and apparently fedoras are “in”.) The grooms will not, however, catch a glance of their ladies-to-be because they are hidden away in a house on the family’s property and will stay there all weekend until a certain time when they make an appearance. So they grooms will go back to their respective camps and enjoy the various festivities of eating meat, dancing, drinking, and eating more meat.
Come Saturday afternoon there were probably a couple of hundred people at the wedding, all seemingly enjoying themselves. The women all dressed in traditional Herero dresses (see one of my old posts for a detailed description of that) and the men dressed to the nines. Only the married women wear the traditional dress and the married men wear a hat and carry a stick (like a cane). The stick is a symbol to show that they are man of the house and can protect their house. Along with the fedora, the cane has the effect of making the Herero man look, in my opinion, rather classy, especially when combined with the shiny dress shoes most of the men here wear.
Around 3 pm things got underway. The brides’ family brought a special piece of cooked meat from the sacred fire (a fire that burns on the brides’ property) to present to the families of the grooms. I didn’t quite hear properly but I believe the meat was a piece of the hip or lip of a cow…I can’t, however, be sure. The two families will share this meat in a gesture of ‘comingtogetherness.’ After this the grooms’ families will start to make their way over to the brides’ camp (the grooms were noticeably absent).
At the brides’ house all the friends and relatives of the respective grooms will gather around the sacred fire and have a dance competition! There is singing and dancing in which each family sings to the other families about where they come from and what they do. Basically, they get to know each other. After about an hour of this, it was finally time for the brides to make an appearance. Surrounded by their bridesmaids the brides marched out of their house in a line, went around the fire once and went back into the house. And not once did they actually show their faces. For the whole walk all five of them had their faces buried in the backs of their bridesmaids. Apparently this is a newer tradition. Historically the brides wouldn’t even show themselves to anybody – only the groom on Sunday morning. But sometimes in the night while the grooms’ families were sleeping the brides and their families would leave with the dowry and the grooms would be out two cows and a lot of money! So this march of the brides around the fire is to show that, yes, they are actually present, even though you couldn’t see their faces. Interesting side note – there were also three teenage girls in the wedding party who were ‘becoming women.’ They had to march around the fire with a piece of fat strapped on top of their heads. After this they are considered women and can now wear the traditional dress.
After the march, the family groups are free to mingle and get to know each other. Basically all Saturday night was a big party. And that was when I left.
From what I understand about the rest of the wedding is that sometime in the night on Saturday the grooms will come to, shall we say, consummate the marriage. The funny part about this night of consummation is that all five of them are in the same house (and it was not a big house)! And that’s not all! Apparently there will be elder women from the wives’ family who will ‘keep watch’ to make sure the groom can, in the words of my colleague, ‘perform.’ The whole point is to make sure that the groom will be able to have offspring. Without reproduction the Hereros (at least the ones talking with me) don’t see the point in marriage. The groom will apparently go back to his own camp after his ‘performance.’
And so, the happy couples will depart on Sunday for their chosen place of residence (usually the groom’s town) and the families and friends will go home having, again in the words of my colleague, “ate more meat than a lion!”
So that was my interesting day at the Herero wedding. Good times were had by all, and I even got a few slabs of meat for my troubles…
B
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